Making parents laugh is half the battle when it comes to raising kids. These jokes for children are guaranteed to make them laugh. And if that was all these jokes did, then that would be enough; but the fact of the matter is they also work on making parents laughs hard too. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and these jokes will do the same thing, only they’ll keep mom and dad from wanting to run in the other direction every time they see you coming.
Preparing for the baby’s arrival is a big deal, there’s so much to do and think about, but the most important thing you can do is to keep your sense of humor. After all, having baby-or multiple babies in some cases can be tough. There will be extremely sleepless nights, unimaginable messes, and many more challenges that come with parenting. As parents, we know just how funny our babies can be. That’s why we’ve put together this list of 171 funny babies jokes that will make you laugh.
Best baby Jokes that make you laugh
Therefore, baby jokes are a great way to get a laugh and we have selected the best baby jokes for you so that you can experience an abundance of laughter and happiness. Parents like these kinds of jokes too because they help bring about some time of entertainment when reading them to their kids.
1. What does a baby monkey say when he’s about to be born?
Anything his mother wants him to
2. What do you get if you cross a baby with cornflakes?
Kernel Puff Cereal!
3. Why are babies so happy all the time?
Because nothing perks up their ears like the sound of their parents arguing.
4. Why did the baby turkey cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
5. What does baby corn say when he is given candy?
I want popcorn!
6. If someone throws a baby out of the window, what would it become?
7. What would you call a newborn baby monkey that looks just like his father?
A chimp off the old block.
8. How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t, you get down from a goose.
9. Why are babies so cute, funny, and happy all the time?
They just pick up on your bad vibes and think it’s normal!
10. Why did the baby strawberry crying?
It’s because her parents were in a jam.
11. What does a baby computer calls her old man?
She calls him ‘Data’.
12. How do you know when it’s time to be a baby?
When your mommy has a mustache.
13. What song do babies hate the most?
‘Row, row, row your boat’. Because they can’t get in tune.
14. What is a baby citizen’s favorite sport?
15. What do you call a baby who talks back?
A trial edition.
16. What is a baby lumberjack’s favorite toy?
A bear cub.
17. Did you hear about the mom who got scared when she saw a strange baby in the baby’s crib?
The father told her, “But you told me that I need to change the baby.”
18. How would you make baby ghosts laugh?
I’d play peek-a-boo with them.
19. Why do babies have soft skin?
So you can imagine what their bones look like under it.
20. What would happen if I threw a baby from the tenth floor of a building?
It would become very flat and I’d probably get arrested.
21. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
22. What is the difference between a baby and an onion?
You cry if you cut up an onion.
23. What’s another name for a baby adoption center?
The stork market.
24. What do you get when you take a baby from a tub of water?
25. What did the baby say to the ducky?
You quack me up!
26. What do babies and cars have in common?
They’re both transportation for adults.
27. Did you hear about the new car made especially for babies?
It’s called the I-Pee.
28. What is a baby’s favorite game?
29. What’s a baby’s favorite place to go for vacation?
30. How does a baby get into college these days?
By knocking at their door and pushing until someone opens it.
31. Why do babies like to whine so much?
Because they’re practicing for their GEDs.
32. When is a baby’s laugh not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard?
When it’s 3 a.m., you’re home alone, and you don’t have a baby.
33. Did you hear about the guy who played poker with his friends and gambled his newborn son?
His friends now realize that they might need to raise him.
34. What do you get when you cross a baby with an onion?
A small tear.
35. What do you give to the baby that has everything?
Your last name.
36. Did you hear about the baby tomato that started lagging behind mama tomato and papa tomato during their morning walk?
I heard that the papa tomato told the baby tomato, “Catch up!”
37. Where does a baby go shopping?
The baby section!
38. What is the difference between a newborn baby and a birthday party?
A new baby is not usually invited to an old person’s birthday party.
39. Why did God give babies feet?
So they wouldn’t mistake him for a pair of shoes.
40. What has green skin and asks, “Do you want to see me dance?
Kermit the frog after drinking too much green tea.
41. What do little babies sing when they are on a boat?
Row, row , row your boat.
42.. What would you call a team of baby garbage bins?
They’d be called a litter.
43. How many diapers does it take to ruin a day?
Just one, but it will stink up the whole room.
44. Do I need to have the baby shower?
Well, not if you change the baby’s diapers very quickly.
45. Why is a baby like an old car?
Because both are hard to drive and everyone passes you.
46. Why do newborn baby always cry?
Because they know they have to live with their parents.
47. Where do baby cats go to learn swimming?
They go to the kitty pool.
48. What do you call a baby at the North Pole?
49. What would you do to get an astronaut’s baby to go to sleep?
50. What did the babies corn say to the mama corn?
It asked, “Where is popcorn?”
51. Did you hear about the lady that recently had a sea section?
I heard that she had a bouncing baby buoy.
52. What did the Pharaohs make use of to keep babies quiet?
They used Egyptian dummies.
53. What is a baby’s favorite color?
PIN-KEYE! PIN-KEYE! PIN-KEYE!
54. What would you call a group of baby turkeys that are very upset?
They are all crying fowl.
55. What do baby birds like to play with?
56. Did you know that babies born on holidays are more likely to be girls than boys?
Probably, because there are no mail deliveries on holidays.
57. When does the astronaut’s baby start walking?
When it receives its G.I. Joe doll and a space helmet! heheheh.
58. Who was holding the baby octopus for ransom?
It was the squidnappers.
59. Why does a baby like to take his clothes off in public?
He is a nudist.
60. What should you give a baby who laughs all the time?
A lot of people laugh with him.
61. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
It asked, “Where is pop corn?”
62. Why did the baby go into the fridge?
He wanted a drink! hahaha.
63. Why was a baby drop of ink weeping?
Because her dad was in a pen, and she didn’t know the duration of his sentence.
64. Why did the husband bring his pregnant wife a small lizard?
Because she told him to go out and get her a baby monitor.
65. What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
You’re haunting my wombats!
66. Why does your strange baby like to climb?
Because he is a monkey! hahahahaha.
67. Why did the infant decide to go on a diet?
Because she wanted to lose the baby fat.
68. How can you measure a baby’s maturity?
By its temper…finger! hehehehe.
69. What was the baby cow told by the mom cow?
She said, “It’s pasture, bedtime.”
70. Have you heard about the couple who landed on the name Pete when they heard they were having a boy but had to change their plans when the doctor later told them they had twin baby boys?
They decided that they would name their other baby boy ‘RePete’.
71. What did the mom snake say to her crying baby snake?
She told him to quit crying and viper his nose.
72. What is a baby’s favorite game at 10-months old?
BABY BINGO!! heheheh.
73. Why doesn’t your nose grow when you cry?
Because it’s already in your face.
74. What social media app helps babies fall asleep by playing monotonous and long-winded conversations?
75. What baby computer calls its parents typers?
76. What kind of bees give milk in baby bottles?
78. Where do babies go to eat out?
The Yolk Cafe.
79. What baby fish sleep in a group?
80. What do you call a baby in the ocean?
81. Why did the baby pepper cry?
It was hot!
82. Why are baby’s laugh tracks so expensive?
Because they are recorded from several months back.
83. When baby half a worm asks the other half to go out, what does he or she say?
“I’m not ready yet.”
84. When newborn son teddy bears start getting scruffy, what do you need to apply?
A shave!! hahaha.
85. Why does baby ghost cry while eating?
Because he is full of boooooooooooooon!
86. When should you feed a baby an avocado?
When it’s about three years old.
87. What happens to a baby bee when it gets lost in the woods?
It buzzes off.
88. Which app helps babies to look at thousands of photos of their grandparents?
89. What is green and screams?
A baby in a blender! hahahahahaha.
90. What would you call a baby owl if it got caught in the rain?
It’d become a moist-owlette.
91. What is a baby’s favorite dance?
The wiggle wiggle.
92. What does a baby cow say when it is happy?
93. Why new baby monkey won first prize at the zoo?
Because it was the only one that mated at the show.
94. How does baby ghost laugh?
They just smile and emit a waah sound.
95. When do baby boy babies like to wake up?
At the crack of noon! hahaha.
96. How baby robin’s crib says goodnight?
With a tweet lullaby.
97. What do you get when you cross an owl and a stegosaurus?
A bird-dinosaur that can give trees a nasty bite.
98. What kind of dog does the mother chinchilla have?
99. What do you call a baby in a bucket of water?
A golden retriever. hehe hehe.
100. How did the baby alligator learn to swim?
He took a gatorade.
101. Where does a baby seagull keep his money?
In a gull-de-for-t account.
102. What do you call a young bee who doesn’t want to learn to buzz?
A zeeba who won’t bee bizzy.
103. Where do baby bees go during the day?
To bee school.
104. Why was the baby teddy bear so sad?
Because he had a bear-y bad cold.
105. Why did the baby chicken cross the road?
To prove to his mother he wasn’t a faggot!
106. Who tells baby dinosaurs scary stories?
Fryno, the fright-osaurus.
107. How dress babies in the morning?
In a wet diaper and diagonally.
108. What did mommy do when baby blocked her view of dad watching football?
She moved baby’s playpen to a better location.
109. When the teddy bears of baby boy and baby girl were invited to a party and got lost, what was the outcome?
They found their hare.
110. Why did the parents buy their child an E-reader on Black Friday?
So that he could conserve his energy for Cyber Monday.
111. What does a baby call its time at the beach?
A sand-tastic time!
112. What does baby soldiers use to stay in shape?
113. Why don’t babies have any money?
It’s all in their baby care budget.
114. What do you call a baby on a farm?
A little bundle of hay because it was born in a barn.
115. Why did the mommy penguin leave her little one on his own?
She wanted to find out if he could swim alone.
116. Why did the baby go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling a little squirt.
117. What do you call a baby who’s learning to talk?
A babbling brook because it’s practicing how to speak.
118. Why did the mommy tomato blush?
Because it saw the baby carrot sticking out of its parent cucumber.
119. Why did the baby strawberry cry?
Because it saw mommy raspberry jam-making babies with daddy grape.
120. What would you call it if you crossed a basketball with a newborn snake?
It’d be a bouncing baby boa.
121. Why did the new baby monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
122. Where do parent ghosts keep baby ghosts during the day?
At day-scare centers.
123. When potatoes have babies, what are they called?
124. Why did the baby go white?
Because it saw a milk bottle.
125. What do you usually call a newborn baby?
You can call them anything you want.
126. What is the least favorite holiday of breastfeeding baby’s?
127. Why does a baby prefer to eat apples rather than oranges?
Because apples are easier to peel.
128. What do you call it when a baby can run around screaming at the top of its voice without getting tired?
129. What do you call a baby in a cage?
130. What do the baby dolphin do when they don’t get their way?
131. How do babies travel around the world?
In a stroller.
132. What time is it when your mom says it’s not yet time for bed?
133. How do storks deliver babies?
They deliver them stork naked.
134. What is the difference between an orchestra and a group of babies crying in church?
One is an example of perfect harmony; the other is just, plain old crying.
135. Why did the mommy cry when she saw her baby on the floor?
Because she was happy that baby learned how to crawl.
136. What kind of creature can you find under a baby’s bed?
A play-doh monster.
137. Why did the kids cry when they saw their dad in a grocery store?
Because it was Father’s shopping day!
138. What does a baby do when her mommy gives her milk from a bottle?
She spits it out.
139. What can one call a group of soldier babies?
140. What do you do when your baby is being fussy?
I’ll pacify it.
141. What do you call a baby with no legs?
142. What does a baby computer call her old man?
She calls him ‘Data’.
143. What does a baby horse do when he’s bored?
144. Why was the little boy’s head wet?
His mommy washed his hair with dishwater.
145. What did Batman give to Robin to decorate his baby’s crib?
He gifted a batmobile.
146. Why do babies like a good night kiss?
Because they’re sweet and taste lovely.
147. What happened to the baby that cut its hair too short?
It got lice.
148. What is a baby bad at doing?
Sitting up straight.
149. Why are babies so loud when playing leap frog?
Because they can’t jump.
150. What would you say to someone with a new baby?
I’d say, “What happened to the old one?”
151. What do you call two toddlers in a trench coat?
Chip and Dip.
152. Why does a baby take a bath every night?
For the mudslide.
153. What is small, red, and cute in the shape of a baby carrot?
A new baby beet.
154. How are babies like cookies?
They are best when they are fresh out of the oven.
155. How does a baby answer the phone?
By pressing ‘Baby’ and speaking into the receiver.
156. What did Baby say when he was walking down the street with his father?
Stop pushing me! I’m walking here!
157. Why are babies so hard to take shopping with you?
Because they have no coupons of crying.
158. Why does a baby like building blocks so much?
Because he can’t go on stairs in his house.
159. What do singles need less of than triplet babies?
160. Why was the baby reluctant to be born?
Probably because he didn’t want to give up his free womb and board.
161. What is the difference between a smart baby and a savings bond?
One will eventually stop earning money.
162. What did the mommy duck say to her baby ducks?
163. Why can you always tell when there is a skunk in the house?
Because the baby’s stinking up the place.
164. What is a baby python’s favorite toy?
165. How warm or cold is a baby when it’s born?
It’s womb temperature.
166. What did the father of twins say?
Wow! Twins at one time! That’s incredible!
167. Where can you find a glass baby?
In a plastic box.
168. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
169. What do you call a baby on a turtle’s back?
I’d call it a pea in a pod.
170. When do all parents change their baby’s diapers?
They do it in the wee wee hours.
171. How does a mommy ship send a message to her babies?
She gives them two extra copies.
172. What do you call a boat that recently got a baby dinghy?
I’d call it a mothership.
173. What would you give a baby pig that has a diaper rash?
I’d give it some oinkment.
The Bottom line
We hope our list of funny baby jokes will make you chuckle. We’ve tried to include a variety of topics that should appeal to everyone and cover some fun moments in childhood. If you have a baby, some of these will make you think “that’s so cute,” while others might make you laugh at some of the funny things they do. If you’re looking for some funny baby jokes that will make everyone laugh. Then we are sure that this list will put a smile on your face. If you have any questions or suggestions please leave them in the comment section below. And stay tuned for more blogs from our team on parenting tips and information about babies