Haven’t we all heard, ‘children are magical,’ of course, they are and so adorable! They are so innocent and real, unlike the fake deceiving world around them. At the same time, where children could be a blessing, they could also make you miserable. Children misbehaving are every parent’s nightmare, especially when they are accompanied by others or out of the home to attend an event etc.
So why is it that sometimes even the calmest of the children go wild? We found out that a faux study supposedly by the University of Washington’s Department of Psychology children are 800% worse when their mothers are in the room was the key to the answer. The study indicated that observing children’s behavior at the entrance of their mothers in the room showed changes for the worse, drastically and rapidly. Child psychologists around the world have been trying to explain the reason behind such a massive blot on motherhood, and how it is a good thing and not harmful. It is a fundamental phenomenon human brain experiences where we need to behave at our best in front of people we do not know intimately than those of our family and friends. “The first impression is the last impression” has been one of the most common phrases to be used; we all feel the need to make the new people like us, so we act differently in their presence, some consciously some subconsciously. Whereas when it comes to our loved ones, well they have seen us in our best and our worse, no need to act for them. That is what exactly goes on in a toddler’s brain when he sees his mother and that toddler behaves differently with mom. Since he is a child, he does not comprehend that others are still present, he unloads everything in front of his mother.
Mothers are the safety bubble of a child’s life when she is around; children know they are safe, and they can be or do anything they want because mom will keep them safe. It is not just you, children can also have a bad day, and temper, tantrums only with mom is their way of unwinding. It shows how relaxed they are when in their mother’s presence; even when they could get scolded or punished for acting out, they do not care because mommy is home. There could be one other reason that is equally important that is a child when rebels out he knows he is going to get disciplined; it is very much possible he is looking for that attention. In the busy life of the twenty-first century, we all know it is not humanly impossible to pay attention to everything and everybody always, now and then parents are bound to slip and probably that is what your child is craving. Children are the most significant attention seekers; they do not like you not being attentive to them, and acting out is their ace to win the game. But even that happens mostly around mothers because that is whose attention they are yearning; having mom also to pay attention to scold them is like a caffeine-fix to them, they are happy and satisfied. So calm down when you find yourself wondering why does my child behave for everyone but me, it is because you have the privilege of being his mother and are doing an excellent job.
Again we cannot generalize why toddlers misbehave when both parents are around when talking about children globally. Parenting varies from culture to culture, so does the children’s mindset and the level of acting out they might show or might not show. Talking of Asian kids, it is a well known and accepted fact that the conduct of an Asian child around his parents differs from that of a child from western culture. Here parenting takes effect, where children from western culture can become whiny, aggressive, wild; Asian kids might start crying or fall or would not want to walk/stand anymore. But that is it; there could a different pattern of behavior of children from a different ethnicity or even individual children, but they all want attention, and they all want to act as they are in front of their mothers. Yes, a similarity that is worth noticing is that toddlers behave differently with mom than with dad, even the study said how dads spoke about how their toddler behaves differently with mom than them. That could be an emotional connection difference, where mothers are more connected to children than fathers, or you could take day children are more relevant to their mothers. There is also history to support how fathers are a figure of discipline and how mothers were always related to endless love, warmth, and understanding. This could be another reason why do toddlers act out more with mom than dad.
Any which way that is a perfect thing, parents should want to emphasize on being natural and honest, to their children or at least in front of the parents, that way they will learn to come clean to you when in trouble or when older can come to unload to you about how and what is not going well in life. It instates with them that no matter what, they can crib, cry, and disburden them in front of you.
Though everything should be in moderation, parents should take care that their child doesn’t make it a habit to throw unnecessary tantrums to achieve whatever they want, for example, your kid crying because you did not buy him a toy he wanted. No, do not encourage such behavior under any circumstances, this does not mean the child is natural in front of you; it merely means he is trying to manipulate you with tantrums because asking nicely did not work. In stating that you could be okay with your child misbehaving because he wanted something you did not approve of is only going to turn him adamant and will make things harder for you. These kinds of behaviors can also linger on even when children grow up; it is essential for parents to teach their child what is acceptable what is not and to explain why something is not acceptable. You are not just raising a child; you are shaping his persona, the kind of person he will become once he grows up. Parents should keep in mind that while letting the toddler have a meltdown, a meltdown is not a bad thing, but the reason should not have an agenda like exploiting parents for something they want.
Raising children is an immensely talented responsibility. Having doubts about whether you are doing a good job or not is nothing illogical. One will worry if his actions are suitable for his child or not. While having doubts is normal, do not let it run you, do not question yourself all the time. We received criticism from the world daily. Let us not criticize ourselves as well. Reading a parenting book, talking to counselors and doctors can only help so much, you learn while you do it. It is defiantly scary, yes people will judge you when they see your child in a supermarket throwing a fit and you trying defeated to handle the situation, they do not care if your child has a fever. You still had to bring him along because you could not find a last-minute sitter. And people’s judgment neither makes you a bad parent nor makes your child a brat, stop analyzing every move. Things will come to you naturally, just like your child acts out in fort of you, mommy, it is very natural.
A toddler misbehaves because of the love, care, and safety if he finds with you, it is his way of telling you how much you mean to him and how comfortable he is with your presence. Also, all the dads out there, do not wonder why is my child worse with mom, it is because she loves her more, and he feels more at home with her around.
Concluding here we would like for the parents to remembe0r, you are doing a splendid job, and your child is fortunate to have you. Let him be his wild self once in a while “when children allow themselves to misbehave, they are also allowing themselves to be vulnerable,” it is their way of showing love for you. This is no way means you are doing a crappy job and you need to change regime, instead count it as a compliment. Only keep notice of your child’s reasons to act out, so he does not stray from the path; besides that, love your child, spoil him a little, let him run wild. You, as parents, will learn along with him in the journey of raising him.
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