I have been abused in childhood and was hit by my family members in order to not study properly and not being able to get good scores on the sheet.
You must be thinking “it must be a lesson for you to get good scores and do well in life” literally, a big no.
When you hit a child in their early stage, they become petrified of every single action they are going to take further which leads their mental efficiency to gradually lower down and perform even worse than earlier.
This is the mantra to make your child fearless in life.
Discipline is very important to teach your child in order to access everything. But how to teach discipline without scolding or without hitting is the real thing which needs to be learned by every new parent.
“The first and the foremost thing which is required to be a good parent is to have a successful and satisfied life where you are not left with any desires to achieve. Because, usually I have seen cases where parents want their child to do certain things and follow their dreams which they were not able to achieve and the aggression just bursts out on them and strangles their aspirations and makes them a person which you would never want to accept.
“Remember a person is not the same when his dreams have been snatched by someone or he is struggling to fulfil the dreams which has been imposed on him by someone”
Childhood bruises will stick to you till you die, this is the wholesome fact which needs to be acknowledged and practised. So make sure that you do not create any distressing memories for them which they will be brought up with.
What might be the situation where you will feel like hitting and shouting at your child and how you can find the alternative to control the situation.
When they lie
We think that we have brought up our child in such an environment where he will never lie to us and will come to us accepting every silly mistake they have committed. Hold on, we are completely wrong. Even when you put your best efforts in order to create a safe and comfortable zone for your child where they will accept their mistakes and come to you with an apology. They might still feel scared of accepting some things which they think their parents will get upset about. In order to find the alternative to this case, you need to hold a two way communication with your child where you need to make him accept it. You need to let them know that you will forgive them with everything except the mistakes they will commit, which will eventually hurt someone close to them.
They get loud
As a parent, it is strenuous to accept that our children might get upset and they might tone up their voice some day for us. It becomes quite exasperating. Isn’t it? So to avoid the situation next time, you need to calm down when they get loud and lend your ear to their words when they get annoyed. Let them take their time and after a gap of hours. Go to them and find out the reason for their indecency. “Because we get loud only when we want to be heard by someone around us”. To burst out the frustration. Do not take it personally. And let them feel that whatever they are going through they will get over to that soon. Because if you will revert and shout back to them it would be a different situation and they will never find any reason to share their thoughts and sadness with you.
They are involved in themselves all the time.
- Mom I am going out with my friends
- Mom i will come home late, tonight
- Mom can you please leave me alone for a moment
- I am into my games, please dont disturb me
- I am going out on a trip with my friends”
- I will not be able to have dinner with you guys, tonight
These sentences will never be understood by them, how their parents would feel when they do not spend even an hour of the day with their family. They are so much into their social involvings that they take their family for granted and this might be the reason for our aggression on them.
It is not because they have involved themselves with their friends that they can’t find a quarter of the day to be spent by their family.
It is because they have never been taught the importance of having parents, roof and food. We must take a couple of minutes of their day to realise “how grateful they are to have parents and a beautiful home with them”. Children are the reflection of our teaching and our nourished thoughts which haven pondered on them to make them a beautiful person and respect human emotions along with their social involvings.
They are not productive.
Make a habit for them to perform an activity everyday, teach them the importance of the hobbies which will eventually help them to lower down the burden of the occupied day in their further life. At least an hour of the day, find out what your child loves to do and make him realise the importance of being productive. It can vary from dance to paint to reading to learning to solve puzzles to reading a story or a book. Anything.
Acknowledge their performance and push them to do better. Make their vicinity with the productive things and encourage them to find their likes.
Choose a particular vocabulary to use for them
Sometimes the words which have been thrown at us in the heat of the moment stick with us for a lifetime and it is hard to get rid of them. So when you can’t control spitting out the words of anger in front of your child. Choose wisely. It can create a hole inside them for a life and it will be impossible for you to make them feel better and to make them understand the heat of the moment.
Imposing the filthy memory of your childhood on them.
No matter how you have been raised, you have been abused, hit and felt left out by your guardians, you must not put that harshness on your children if you do not want them to part away from their families. A childhood is a journey of love, beautiful memories and pampering. It sometimes hurts us and makes us cry about how we have been raised and we remember the words which still affect us said by our parents. Do not get harsh on them. They love the aroma of their parent’s existence around them. Do not convert that aroma into an odour which they will hate smelling around.
Being a parent and getting the unfiltered love from our children is the pleasing journey of life. Do not take a step which will eventually make you a bad parent in your child’s consideration. Teach yourself the basics of love, acceptance, apology and guidance. A child always looks up to his strong mother. He adapts the behaviour and versatility of his mother to follow. Be a glorious woman before being a great mother if you want to make your child stronger and stronger.