Hey there, Broseph — are you looking for some cool new crap you can occupy yourself with for at least five minutes and then brag about to your buddies? Yeah, we thought so. Any of this stuff would make a helluva nice gift (drop those hints like they’re hot) or you could even pick up one or two of these little gems yourself “just because.” You are so worth it, man. Here we go:
In This Article
1. The Ball Hammock®
What’s that we hear? It’s the muffled cries of sheer joy from your smashed badoodles. Dude, they deserve better. Your precious sack o’ nuts — mind you, the only ones you’ve got — are woefully mistreated every day when you jam ‘em in your chinos all unprotected-like. These mens pouch underwear not only hug your thighs like that psycho cheerleader you dated in high school but they also literally cradle your nuts like an ugly two-headed baby in an exclusive, proprietary hammock. No longer the filling in your thigh sandwich, your crotch nuggets now have a place of their very own to call home. And you? You’ll walk in supreme comfort and confidence, reveling in the breathable, moisture-wicking goodness of the best underwear you’ve ever worn. But wait! There’s more! They come in all kinds of solid colors if you’re more of a Plain James, but if you’re an Audacious Austin or a Life-of-the Party Larry kinda guy, these funderwear also come in plucky patterns and cool graphics strategically placed right where it counts. Like statement underwear, you might say.
2. Grilled Cheese Toaster Bags
You heard that right, you lucky dog. Proper grilled cheese you can make in mere minutes with the most basic skills a human being can muster. You get your cheese, you get your two slices of bread. You butter the bread. The outside, you idget. Then you pop ‘em in this nice little silicone bag, stick it in the toaster, push the button, and BAM! In three blinks of an eye, a gooey, toasty grilled cheese sammie just like Ma used to make. But it doesn’t stop there, no — this is the gift that keeps on giving, that potentially provides hours of unsupervised fun. Now you get to figure out what else you can cram in that bag and subsequently toast. The possibilities are endless!
3. Beer Cap Map of the United States
The perfect addition to your man cave or, if you’re veeerry good, the guest room no one uses, this quality hardwood laser-cut map of the U.S. has oodles of neat little holes to display bottle caps from your travels around the country. Pro tip: it’s most likely meant to highlight local beers you’ve had over a length of time, so don’t go filling every spot with Bud caps on the first go, Brodegy. If you’re not a beer drinker, it will probably fit liquor, soda, or milk caps, and if you don’t drink beer or liquor or soda or milk, you can go look for a fancy display case for your craft kombucha bottles or whatever it is you’re drinking these days.
4. 23-in-1 Hunter’s Shovel Tool
This, my friend, makes a multi-tool green with envy and takes badassery to a whole new level. Naturally, you can chop wood and dig holes with its sharp-bladed shovelhead, made from the highest grade martensitic stainless steel. But you can also flex your pyrotechnic skills using the concealed fire starter or use it as a climbing tool that can hold the weight of your entire dad bod by the handle alone. It’s a weapon, it’s a wild animal deterrent, it’s the manliest of all man-gadgets on this planet. Get yourself one pronto.
Sometimes you just gotta treat yo self or let it be known that bromeo needs some lovin’ in the form of cool stuff. You can’t get much cooler than these items, so check ’em out. You won’t be sorry you did.