Study: Children In Daycare More Likely To Consume The Hearts Of Their Enemies

daycare kids

A study out of Boston University has found that children who attend daycare before age four are more likely to consume the hearts of their enemies.

We spoke to head researcher, Dr. Robin Salinger. “We followed 200 children over 15 years and found that those who were in enrolled in daycare were 93% more likely to consume the hearts of their enemies directly from the chest cavity,” said Dr. Salinger.

According to the study, children who stayed in the comfort of their own homes until kindergarten were more inclined to solve their problems through gentle conversation and mediation, while the daycare spawn preferred to rip organs from their prey with their talon-like hands.

Dr. Salinger and her team are conducting further studies to find out what exactly makes daycare children more prone to violence/cannibalism. Dr. Salinger: “We suspect the big tent.”



Nobody Likes a Cockblock: The Children’s Book For Adults Who Aren’t Getting Any  

The stars are out, it’s dark outside.
I can see that there’s sleep inside of your eyes.
Stay warm in your bed, on our door do not knock.
Because nobody likes a cockblock.
The train’s leaving the station, it’s about to go down.
My ticket is stamped for a trip to Pound Town.
Your job is to sleep like the heaviest rock.
Because nobody likes a cockblock.
I love mommy so much. She’s my favorite cutie.
Tonight I would like a piece of that bootie.
Don’t ask for milk or help with your sock,
because nobody likes a cockblock.
Nobody Likes A Cockblock is perfect for birthday parties, baby showers, baptisms, and of course, wedding presents.