“Mama!” Is there a sound more dreadful at 3AM? Perhaps a masked burglar breaking through your bay windows, but the call of a child comes in at a close second.
If you’re sick and literally tired of your toddler calling for you specifically during the difficult nighttime hours, help is on the way!
“Training your toddler to call for daddy is easier than it seems,” says our lifestyle expert, Cindy Kaughman. “The trick is to be consistent and creative!”
1. Lower their confidence in you. The next time your toddler calls for mommy, stumble into their room visibly drunk. “Reek of patron, gin, or any strong-smelling liquor,” says Kaughman. “Your child may not be able to identify the scent but it will naturally alarm them. Slur your words and don’t be afraid to drop them once or twice. They’ll stop calling for you within a few days.”
2. Frighten your toddler in a way they won’t soon forget. The next time your 2-year-old calls you into their bedroom at 4AM, surprise them with a Chucky or Jason mask. “Your little one will instantly fill his diaper and scream for daddy,” says Kaughman. “It can be helpful to set aside some money for therapy.”
3. Wear a “daddy” costume. Spray on some of your husband’s Drakkar Noire or Adidas Sport cologne and don one of his shirts when going into comfort your little one. You want them to either associate daddy with comfort and mommy with confusion.
4. Behave strangely. Toddler like routine and predictable behavior. The next time you’re called in for late night snuggles, walk into their room directly into a corner. Face the wall like that kid in the Blair Witch Project and just stand their silently. Your toddler won’t like this.
5. Tell a funny story. “When my Ben was three, I made up a silly little story that went like this: ‘Once upon a time there was a mommy who didn’t get enough sleep so she started setting stuffed animals on fire.’ It left quite the impression and he started calling for daddy soon after,” says Kaughman.
With a little hard work and a lot of commitment, you’ll be sleeping through the night before you know it. Sweet dreams!
Nobody Likes a Cockblock: The Children’s Book For Adults Who Aren’t Getting Any
Coming April 5th
Preorder your copy now: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692636757